In "Space Jam", aliens want to enslave the Looney Tunes or whatever. I don't remember the plot of "Space Jam" and don't feel like looking it up. I've seen the movie twice in the last 20 years and the point of this blog post isn't to re-hash the Looney Tunes-specific plot. Aliens want to enslave Bugs Bunny and his friends, right? But the Looney Tunes come up with a plan: they challenge the aliens to a game of basketball. These aliens have no fucking idea what basketball even is, but as soon as they do, they're smart enough to know that they should go to North America on planet Earth, specifically the United States of America and visit NBA arenas. They scouted the league's top players and decided to steal the talents of Charles Barkley, Patrick Ewing, Muggsy Bogues, Shawn Bradley, and Larry Johnson.
When I re-visited "Space Jam" a few years ago, as a man who has much more knowledge on basketball, I remarked out loud to my child (who wasn't paying attention nor cared) that a line-up of Bradley, Ewing, Barkley, Larry Johnson, and Muggsy Bogues doesn't really work on the basketball court. That's two centers, two power forwards, and a point guard. None of those players can guard Michael Jordan.
But therein lines the rub, right? Michael Jordan was in retirement when the aliens scouted the NBA. If we're to believe this movie took place circa 1994/1995, who were the best 2-guards back then? Particularly in the absence of Michael Jordan? Clyde Drexler was nearing the end of his career, though he did end up winning a championship with the Houston Rockets. Mitch Richmond, Reggie Miller, Latrell Sprewell, and John Starks were all really good players at the time too. None of them could hold a candle to MJ.
The Looney Tunes made the deal with the aliens during the luckiest time in NBA history. If they had coerced the aliens into a game of basketball (a game in which, if the Looney Tunes lose, would have grave consequences for them all) in the years prior to 1994-1995 OR the years immediately after that (1996-1998), the aliens surely would've found out about Michael Jordan and he'd have been the first NBA player they'd steal talent from. With Michael Jordan retired in the mid-90s, that wasn't an option the aliens were aware of. Bugs Bunny must've been following the league at this time. He must've known Michael Jordan was retired or he wouldn't have made this deal. Because the Looney Tunes immediately "recruited" Michael Jordan to join his team (they forced him into their world via a hole in a golf course). All the Looney Tunes needed was Michael Jordan and that was enough to defeat whatever talent the aliens were able to steal.
Michael Jordan and the Chicago Bulls dominated the league in the early '90s. They won championships three consecutive years from 1991 to 1993. He stopped Ewing's Knicks from the making the finals during that run. In the '93 finals, he was a thorn in Barkley's side, preventing him from winning a ring with his Phoenix Suns team. Meanwhile, Shawn Bradley, Larry Johnson, and Muggsy Bogues had no hope of any real playoff success with their respective teams. But, it wouldn't have mattered who the aliens stole talents from. No one could get past Michael Jordan and the Bulls during that time.
"Space Jam" represents where the league was at that time. There was a giant void when Michael Jordan retired. The Houston Rockets were able to win two consecutive championships in Jordan's absence (he played toward the end of the '95 season, but wasn't in game shape until the year after). Playing against Michael Jordan during those days was like getting robbed of your talents. It didn't matter how hard Barkley and Ewing worked. MJ worked that much harder and always came out on top. So, the aliens could summon their talents and the talents of other notable players at that time, but still wouldn't matter. None of them could get past Michael Jordan. None of them could beat Jordan, especially in a world where basic physics or laws of gravity don't apply. Jordan could play on a team of literal Looney Tunes and still beat an awkwardly-crafted all-star team consisting of the NBA's best players during a short era when Jordan was missing.
At the end of "Space Jam", the talents of Bradley, Johnson, Bogues, Barkley, and Ewing are all restored and they're back to being the players they used to be. Great news! Except, Michael Jordan was coming back to the league too, ready to win three more consecutive titles before retiring a second time. Barkley and Ewing ended up having Hall of Fame-caliber careers, but people will always point to the fact that they were never able to win a ring when they played. And that's all thanks to Michael Jordan.
Although Ewing's Knicks DID make the finals twice, and in both years, Jordan wasn't in the league. The Knicks still blew it anyway. And Ewing was hurt during his second finals trip. So, whatever. Anyway, I don't know if any of this will end up making sense or if I made a coherent point. Goodnight.
